I’ve heard it time and time again – guys bitching because a girl they’ve fallen for started dating an asshole.  They complain about girls who want a nice guy but wind up with the bad boy instead and yet they never seem to understand why.  This is something that has been bothering men for years and I’m hoping that this article will clear a few things up.

First off, there is a big difference between a less than perfect guy and a complete jackass.  Most of us women do not want to date an actual jackass – they can be rude, hurtful, ignorant and just plain mean.  These guys might be fun for a night or two of meaningless sex but they’re just not going to be relationship material.  If we’re hanging out with these types, we typically aren’t looking for something long term.  I know guys who have been told up front that the girl wasn’t looking for anything serious and yet they still get angry and upset when she has a fling and moves on.  Fellas, if she says she’s not looking for a relationship, believe her.  It’s either the truth or her way of letting you down easy but your long-term chances with her aren’t good any way you look at it.

Then there are the women who really do claim to want a nice guy.  The problem with this is that the definition of “nice guy” tends to vary.  We like a man to surprise us with random texts, notes or other ways to show we’re on your mind.  We like being invited to go on dates and out to meet your friends.  We also like romance and gestures to show you care.  What we don’t like is a pussy-whipped pushover.  We like real men.  If you’re cooking a girl a four-course dinner three times a week while writing poems, giving foot rubs and singing sonnets, you’re going to seem clingy and desperate. I know movies make it seem like the guy who does these things will get the girl and live happily ever after but in reality these types come off as somewhat creepy and even a little stalker-esque.  Part of what makes a stereotypical “bad boy” interesting is the fact that we can’t predict what’s going to come next.  Half the fun is in the chase and if we see that we’re not your number one priority all of the time, it’ll help us realize how in demand you really are.  Having your own life and your own backbone are good things, I promise.

Lastly, there are those of us who always say we want the nice guy and end up dating (not just doing) total losers.  Chances are these women start dating a douchebag because they think the guy can be changed; those of us with a few more brain cells realize the naivety behind that kind of thinking.  Or perhaps the girl has a track record of falling for the wrong sort of man.  If she has a history of making poor decisions regarding her personal life, that should be a warning to you dudes.

Obviously, there are women out there who are interested in dating real men and not just bad boys.   If all you’re finding is the latter, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how you treat the ladies.  A little consideration goes a long way but overkill is an instant turn off; if you’re talking about having her meet your mom on the first date…well, that could be a problem.  Leaving a little mystery is always a good idea and if things go well you’ll be able to pull out all the romantic stops as time goes on.  Don’t try too hard and try to remember what I said about being a pushover.  Just because we can whip you with our pussy doesn’t mean we should.

Written by Paige Turner

Paige Turner works at a desk by day and writes columns and articles by night. She has two degrees, a sports trophy and a nine-inch scar on her leg. She enjoys giving her opinion on variety of topics and has been dispensing fairly good advice on sex and dating for over a decade.